Tuesday, July 19, 2011


No, I'm not really his mom. Obviously. But let me explain.  Sports fans know exactly who I'm talking about. For non-athletic supporters, let me enlighten you.  

Shane Battier is a darn good basketball player. He played four years at Duke University, where he led the Blue Devils to two Final Fours. Duke lost to UConn in 1999, but came back to win the national championship against Arizona two years later. 

In 2001, his Duke jersey was retired (a big deal), he received the National Player of the Year award (an even bigger deal), and then he was selected as the sixth overall pick of the 2001 NBA Draft by the Memphis Grizzlies (cha-ching!), he then had a stint with the Houston Rockets (ehhh), and then was traded back to the Memphis Grizzlies during the 2010 - 2011 NBA season.  He was even recently named the seventh smartest professional athlete by the Sporting News.

And despite his impressive resume, can you guess the first thing that pops in my mind when I think of him? 

Sadly, it's his cornrows I think of first.
Shane has cornrow 'scars' on his scalp. Someone once mentioned that the scars were because his mom left his cornrows in too long as a child and they created permanent impressions on his scalp. (Granted, this may be an urban legend that I'm ignorantly repeating. If so, sorry Shane!)

I don't think his scars are really that bad, but depending on his facial expressions and head movement, you can still see the wrinkles and the 'rows' left in his scalp.

Over the years, the wrinkles have even started to fade...

Come on, guys.
They're not bad now!

What I found funny is that "they" (meaning: the media/ sportsfans/ chatterboxes/ etc) have always blamed his mom for the scars. They didn't blame his dad, or his grandma, not even the hairdresser who might have been the one to actually put the cornrows on his head. His mom always got the blame for it. Even if Shane was old enough to tell somebody "Hey, my head really itches, maybe I should take these out," everyone still points the finger at his mom.
I'm sure Shane's mother is a very nice lady. She raised an intelligent, successful, athletic, and seemingly personable fellow. But sadly, I only associate her with his cornrows saga. Whether it's a true story or not.

He even has a fun sense of humor!

I remember watching Shane play ball in person when Duke played at my alma mater, Georgia Tech, while I was in college -  and I thought that he was a very good looking guy, even with the odd wrinkles on his head.

Heck, recent pictures make him look like a pretty good candidate for a potential GQ model:
I can't even look at the camera.
It may break under the gaze of my awesomeness.
His wifey definitely digs the look.

So, why am I blogging about this? Because of two reasons:

(1) Anytime I do anything to slightly alter Evie's appearance, there's a little voice in my head that says "Am I being Shane Battier's mom right now?"  Meaning: Am I doing something that is of little consequence right now, but could permanently scar her later?


(2) When Evie and Baby Boy are older I don't want my legacy to be as the "mom who screwed up her kid." (Whether it be physically, psychologically, emotionally...) I don't actually think Shane's mom screwed her kid up at all. I think he turned out just fine!  But you know when people hear his cornrow story, some of them shake their head and think "Awh, poor kid, what a bad parent his mom was."  (Which also tells me that their scale of what exactly makes for a really bad parent is skewed.)

To be fair, we don't do much to "alter" Evie's appearance. However.... 

EXAMPLE #1 of my "SBM moment" (SHANE BATTIER MOM moment):  A few weeks ago, Evie got a ferocious sunburn on her face. I had forgotten to apply sunblock before she went to school and she rubbed something (lotion, bug spray, baby oil?!) on her cheeks prior to going outside. Her shiny baby doll porcelain skin got fried, y'all. Blistered, red and puffy.

I walked into school to pick her up and the school administrator stopped me before I even got to her classroom, asking me "Do you have a good dermatologist for Evie to go see?"  Ohhhh, crap.

We kept her indoors and out of the sun for the next few days, applying all sorts of lotions with the magical healing powers of aloe and vitamin E.  Her little cheeks were sore and they peeled a bit, but ultimately the redness faded, her skin returned to normal, and she was fine. 

But I just knew that ONE SINGLE DAY was responsible for ruining her complexion and her skin for the rest of her life and it would be a "SBM" story. All because her silly mommy forgot to put sunblock on her that morning.

EXAMPLE #2 of my SBM Moment:  Evie loves nail polish. I find this funny, as I hardly wear nail polish on my fingernails, but I do on my toenails. 

Evie was about 12 months old when she first saw me with a bottle of polish and came running, yelling "Me! Momma! Me me me me!!!" with her outstretched hands waiting to be painted. (She has definitely noticed nail polish on other people... Aren't these toddlers perceptive little buggers?)

Blue!  I like my toes to match my Play-Doh.

Pink fingernails - definitely her signature color.

So, I started letting her wear nail polish. Not a heavy coat- a quick swipe of one layer of color. But those of you mani/pedi connoisseurs know that you really need to put down a protective base coat. (A primer coat that protects the nails and keeps the color from staining the fingernail.)  Sometimes, you can end up with yucky looking yellow nails that are brittle from not taking the time to change the polish enough.

Yeah, well... Momma didn't do the protective base coat.  Last week, I notice that the some of the colored polish was starting to be absorbed into her nail color. 

Great! My kid will have gross yellow nails for the rest of her life!

Not that gross.
Come on, y'all.  Give me a little bit of credit.

I took her nail polish off, cleaned her nails, and everything was fine -  but anytime Evie has asked for polish since, I tell her she has to sit perfectly still through a base coat before she gets the color she wants. (Surprisingly, she will sit still - and even blow on her nails to dry them. This toddler never ceases to amaze me.)

So, now you know the back story. I just thought I'd let y'all know that I'm really not that crazy when I say that I'm trying to avoid a Shane Battier Mom moment. 

I realize my own SBM moments may seem like silly, incredibly trivial little issues to worry about... but I wonder if Shane Battier's mom thought that his cornrows were just silly little things that would take care of themselves? Obviously they didn't take care of themselves, and he ended up with some small scars on his head.  Evie's not even 2 years old yet-  so I'm sure there will be many more opportunities for me to have unfortunate SBM moments in the years to come with both Evie - and her little brother.

And no... don't read between the lines:  this post is not a hint that we are naming our baby boy "Shane."  You'll still have to wait till November to find out his name.  =o)

I'm getting off my soapbox now and will leave you with some pictures of other moments (non-SBM) from this weekend with Evie. 


I don't need a manicure - since my mom makes
me do chores that ruin my nail polish anyways.
(She's attempting to sweep up the mess of seeds
our parrot makes on the basement floor.)

Although she's handy with the Swiffer, Evie's skills don't extend to sweeping... so, the mess just gets spread out more whenever Evie wants to help "sweep."

She prefers to cheer Momma on while
I clean up the basement floor instead.

We asked her what she was cooking in her kitchen...

And she said "penguin." 
(Maybe I should worry more about her cooking
her toys or small animals than having a SBM moment.)

Kiss your mom goodbye, you're going in the frying pan!
Fabulous imagination. Seriously.
And no, we don't support eating penguins in our house.
Putting her rally cap on to watch the US women's
team play in the World Cup championship against Japan.

And promptly ignoring the first U.S. goal.

She's still ignoring all the cheering..
and her parents high-five-ing and yelling in excitement.

Once she did start paying attention to the game, we asked her to move back so she wouldn't ruin her eyes being that close to the TV.
She decided her farm animals need to move too - in case their eyes would be damaged from being so close as well.

Can you guys see the screen from here?

She put her rally cap back on to help the U.S. cause, but it was no good...
Japan ended up winning.

Oh, well. She's still young... and there will be plenty more
World Cups for the U.S. to win her lifetime.
(We hope!)


  1. Mom's affecting their children. Psshaw! You have read too much Pat Conroy!

  2. I think that messing up your kids is a part of parenthood. How do you think I got to be this crazy and weird! ~nick~

  3. I think that worrying that you might screw up your kids means there's a good chance you'll only screw them up a little bit...at least that's my hope.

  4. The folds in his scalp look like "cutis verticis gyrata" which is a disorder that has nothing to do with a mom or a hairstyle. Doctors claim to have no idea what causes it. It appears to be more and more common, affecting primarily men. I have seen white, black, and brown men with this disorder. Ask a military barber and they can tell you the frequency of appearance. It's not something that has anything to do with braids or cornrows or anything the mom did. It's probably just another health problem from being poisoned by government/corporations. Cheers!